A Stroke of Luck

The day ended like the days that went by: uneventful, hot and ordinary. I arrived at home and did the same things I usually do upon getting home: prepare my dinner, wash the dishes, relax awhile with my pc games and read a few chapters of my latest Lisa Gardner novel. Just before midnight, I had my pre-bedtime shower and off to bed I went.

I woke up with a leg cramp and I shouted with the pain that went with it. Nanay hurried from the kitchen and massaged my left leg. My children woke up with the yell of pain that woke up the whole neighborhood as well, I think. Nanay suggested I call in sick so I can rest. Before lunchtime though I felt a numbness in the left part of my body and I have difficulty focusing on things. My head is about to burst with pain that I took 2 500 mg tablets of mefenamic acid just to alleviate the pain (still no luck, though). I felt nauseated as well. Oh gosh, is this what people feel during a stroke? Off to my cardiologist I went and she told me I needed to be hospitalized for the symptoms I felt. My blood pressure is elevated (what else is new?) and I got myself admitted. Anna was the one who stayed in the hospital to look after me.

After all the blood and urine tests: doctors diagnosed TIA (transient ischemic attack), also known as a mini-stroke. Not really a stroke but a preview of things to come. Morbid huh? I also have glucose intolerance which does not help the condition at all. During my entire hospital stay nurses pricked my fingers three times a day to check my blood sugar level. There was a time, the nursed pricked me four times that day because my blood sugar is elevated as well. I downed dozens of pills and capsules to regulate my blood sugar and blood pressure. And yet the numbness is still there. The day I was to be discharged, my cardiologist referred me to a neurologist to check what the numbness is all about. I am not really too keen on seeing a neurologist because he is not covered by my medical insurance and I have to shell out four hundred bucks for seeing the neuro. So after the discharge, I went about with my routine (although I still reported in sick at work because I still feel the numbness and I am always tired).

A week after though, I can't ignore the numbness anymore and the recurrent headache. Went to the neurologist and the doctor probed and poked me with his pen and reflex hammer, asked me to jump, to count, gave me some simple mathematical questions, and what-not. Guess what? I failed most of the exams. I don't have TIA, it's cerebral infarction and in layman's term: a mild stroke. Imagine, having a mild stroke at the ripe old age of 40.

I was not actually shocked but I felt scared. Such a morbid thought, I am now really aware that I might be gone from the world in just a matter of minutes, even seconds. I felt bad about my children, I owe it to them to be here for them, at least until they can go on their own ways.

The neurologist advised for a total lifestyle change, that is if I wanted not to suffer a really bad one (come to think of it, is there a "good" stroke?). I have three risks: hypertension, high cholesterol and my BMI which is classified as obese (oooh... is that the politically-correct term?). That will be a tall order for me. So does it mean goodbye crispy pata and chicharon for me? No more late nights. No more alcohol (I quit drinking a long time ago) and no more nicotine (I have never been a chain-smoker and besides the last cigarette stick I had was eons ago). The late nights, alcohol and nicotine I will gladly not do but the food??? That will be a trifle hard because I love food. But as Nanay loves to tell me: it's either I chose to live longer or eat all those cholesterol-rich foods. Of course, it's a longer life I will choose. I love my children so much and I wanted to be with them for a long time still.

God gave me a mild "reminder" and I hope there wouldn't be a "major" reprimand soon. I am still lucky and very blessed.

unplanned and unprepared

my first blog entry and it's a sad thought. being pregnant is supposed to be a happy experience, right? yes and no. yes, if you got pregnant and you're married and the no is from the otherwise. what's the point of this entry, you ask? i'd like to expound on the difference of being with child in your 30s and being pregnant at 16, 19. the reason why i decided to write this is that my daughter and i are in the wash room here in the mall and i saw a couple of teeners whispering. they have something in their hands and guess what it is? a pregnancy kit. and to think i thought they were whispering about their crushes or what-not. it's the what-not, i guess. and what-should-not-have-had. and i thought, again, that they just celebrated their sweet sixteens. i felt like i was doused with ice cold water. literally, i felt a shiver down my spine. it's sad how teeners miss out on being teeners and start being mothers. and i bet it is not even planned.

i didn't plan being pregnant at 30 and the second time around at 33 but what the heck! i am in my 30s. and even in my 30s i didn't even feel ready to have kids then. but life goes on. you go ahead and have the kids, work your ass off for them. so what about these teenage soon-to-be mom? to begin with, what and how does she tell her parents? do the sperm donor even care how difficult it is to blurt out the three words parents wouldn't like to hear during this time of their daughter's life? or is he planning now on how to win the new girl in his anatomy class? shit happens and sometimes it hits you right between the eyes (or should i say right between the legs?)

my brother and my sister in law were with me when i told my parents then. and let me tell you, they are not happy. they're even unhappier after three years when they learned i was on the way the second time. the way i look at it (and most people for that matter) there really is no good time to break the news gently to your parents that you are pregnant out of wedlock. but i know they'd rather hear it from you than from the gossip mill. and believe me, it would be a scene straight out of a telenovela. move over, kim chiu! here's a real-life teener about to break into drama minus the glitter and the fanfare of showbiz. and what about the supporting roles? the father and mother crying buckets over the tragedy of not being able to prevent this from happening? but it happened. and where do we go from here? do we get the shotgun and move heaven and earth to have the two lovebirds marry? or do we dry out our tears and bravely face the rough road ahead? it is a rough road but this is where we really need to prove the world we are rightly to be called parents.

and the next question will be: to keep or to give it away? but that's another blog entry.

but there, dear teener. are your eyes wide open now? i don't like to sound didactic but it's a fact of life. you have sex, there might be consequences. and sometimes, the consequence will be one you will not only carry for nine months, but for a lifetime.